Maple Lions

As per what Damian wrote earlier about the unfortunate Brooklyn Beckham seeking homework help from his father, we get this masterpiece of deductive reasoning from Dad.

I will grant that Becks is likely unable to read Spanish newspapers, much less English ones. Still, has he so totally ignored world events over the past several years that he lacks even one clue as to what regime change means?

Well, here’s another brain-twister for Becks: in a vacuum, a feather and a dilettante captain handcuffed to a disgraced manager will plummet at the same speed. Even Brooklyn can figure that one out.

Paul Canniff

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This is what Arsenal has been reduced to under Arsene Wenger:

JOSE REYES admits he is struggling to learn English — because it is hardly spoken at Arsenal. The Gunners star insists English is drowned out in the Highbury dressing room by French and Spanish.

Boss Arsene Wenger has not fielded an Englishman since Sol Campbell sulked off at half-time against West Ham on February 1 — 5½ games ago!

Reyes said: “We’ve got six or seven players who speak Spanish and even more that speak French — there’s very little English.

“It’s difficult for me to learn English because in the dressing room we speak more French and Spanish than English.

“But my girlfriend has had no problem speaking English. But I guess that is because she is more intelligent than me.”

The Gunners do not have a player in the current England squad while arch-rivals Spurs have five.

Campbell and the injured Ashley Cole represent the English minority in the first team. But Reyes, 22, who wanted to return to Spain last year because of homesickness, says he now feels more at home with fellow Spaniards Manuel Almunia and Cesc Fabregas.

He added: “I’m a lot more happy at Arsenal now and I’m getting more used to life in England and the weather, which is the worst thing.”

Arsenal’s starting line-up in Saturday’s 1-0 defeat at Blackburn was: Lehmann (Ger), Eboue (Iv Coast), Toure (Iv Coast), Senderos (Switz), Flamini (Fra), Fabregas (Spain), Diaby (Fra), Silva (Braz), Reyes (Spain), Henry (Fra), Adebayor (Togo).

H/T to Neal Elliott

Paul Canniff

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According to the Daily Telegraph, the Football Association has narrowed its search for a new England manager to six men:

At a meeting of the FA’s main board at Soho Square yesterday, the search for the man to take over from Eriksson after the World Cup finals in Germany was narrowed to Sam Allardyce, the Bolton manager, Charlton’s Alan Curbishley, Stuart Pearce, of Manchester City, Martin O’Neill, the former Celtic manager, and Guus Hiddink, the coach at PSV Eindhoven. Steve McClaren, the Middlesbrough manager who is presently Eriksson’s assistant, completes the list of possible candidates. [emphasis added]

I’d be perfectly happy with Allardyce, Curbishley or Pearce, but McClaren is tainted by his association with the Eriksson regime - not to mention the Boro’s dreadful form this season.

Damian P.

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Man U’s Carling Cup victory is being overshadowed by Sir Alex’s decision to keep Ruud Van Nistlerooy on the bench. (Daily Express headline: “Why the long face, Ruud?”)

Van Nistlerooy, for his part, says he’s perfectly happy where he is, which is probably as good a sign as any that he’ll be somewhere else next year. (The most common rumours have him going to AC Milan.)

Damian P.

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England football captain David Beckham confessed he is befuddled by his six-year-old son Brooklyn’s maths homework in an interview.

Beckham, 30, admitted to being baffled when Brooklyn recently asked for help with a school assignment and had to turn to his former Spice Girls pop star wife Victoria to help out.

“Their homework is so hard these days. I sat down with Brooklyn the other day — and I was like, ‘Victoria, maybe you should do the homework tonight’.

Poor kid.

Damian P.

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The results may read 4-0 for Manchester United over Wigan Athletic but today’s game is a victory for both teams.

Sir Alex has some hardware to claim after a tough season in the EPL and the CL. The Red Devils face a domestic league far more challenging with the rise of Chelsea, the rebirth of Liverpool and the tailspin of Arsenal. They can still display remarkable football talent in the crunch. Whether that will satisfy the gruesome Glazer clan has yet to be seen.

The Latics can take pride in the journey that took them to Cardiff today. Despite a lopsided final score, Wigan sits within an EPL spread between fifth and ninth places of only three points. A spot in the UEFA Cup next year is not out of question.

Taken together, these performances are a reassuring sign that the EPL is not caught in the death spiral of ennui that has been the hallmark of its Scottish counterpart.

Paul Canniff

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Now that the Blues-Pompey match is on SportsNet today, I can actually witness the state of the pitch at Stamford Bridge. Odd to see footie being played on what appears to be the abandoned site of a Hippie Jam Fest.

Crikey, Roman, buy some sod!

Paul Canniff

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My club and Mike Campbell’s club go at it tomorrow afternoon. Lawro is predicting a 1-1 draw. Amazingly, Rogers Sportsnet is showing the match at 12:30PM Eastern.

The Magpies are absolutely rocked with injuries these days - in addition to Shearer and Owen, Titus Bramble and Kieron Dyer were hurt in last week’s FA Cup win over Southampton. Michael Owen, at least, could be back for the FA Cup match against Chelsea next month.

Damian P.

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Here’s a kickass map of English (top six tiers) and Scottish football clubs.  Click on the magnifying glasses to drill down to the city clubs.  At top left, you can filter it to show only those clubs in a particular tier.  Worth adding to the sidebar, I’d say.

Mike Campbell

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Jose Mourinho may have finally met his match in pre-fixture whinging.

Clearly, it was the terrible state of the Stamford Bridge pitch that afflicted Barca.

Now, what’s the Catalan word for wanker? The dictionary says el gilipolles, which I surmise is pronounced as “Puyol”.