Maple Lions

France drew nil with the Swiss today, shifting the blame to the hot weather from their vintage lineup:

Neither team seemed keen to extend themselves in the disagreeable heat and it was no surprise the sides only managed a goal apiece in their two World Cup qualifying meetings.

[…]

When the final whistle came, the French section of the crowd made their feelings clear, realising perhaps that age has finally caught up with Les Bleus.

One trusts that Noel Coward will be proven right on the day.

Paul Canniff

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From a script for “Footballers’ Wives” to the pages of the Telly:

In the heat of their first World Cup encounter, England’s footballers started well but faded fast. Yesterday, their wives and girlfriends put on a performance of stamina and spending power that showed England have a team to take on the world - at shopping. 

Six of them went on a spree in Baden-Baden, where the England squad is based, buying more than £3,000 worth of designer clothes in an hour.

Coleen McLoughlin, 20, the girlfriend of Wayne Rooney, led the charge, buying Gucci shoes and a Dolce and Gabbana shirt from Monika Scholz, the most expensive boutique in the German spa town.

Five others, including Ellen Rives, 29, the wife of Frank Lampard, and Carly Zucker, the girlfriend of Joe Cole, followed, splashing out on sunglasses next door. They then paid a further £1,500 for shoes and shirts in 10 minutes.

The old rule holds:  too much skin, too little taste.

Paul Canniff

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The Telly reports that the medical consultants who cleared Rooney to join the England squad recommend that he be held back from play until at least the Group B match against Sweden:

The Daily Telegraph has learned that Professor Angus Wallace and Professor Chris Moran, the two specialists from the Queen’s Medical Centre in Nottingham who had the final say on Rooney’s broken foot scans last Wednesday, were asked whether it would be possible to rush him back to play the game in Nuremberg.

They advised against it on the grounds that he would still not be match fit and was at risk of further injury.

Eriksson and England appear to have accepted that advice and Wallace and Moran will instead fly to the England team base in Baden Baden on Friday to check on Rooney’s fitness, with a view to him playing some part in the final Group B match against Sweden next Tuesday.

Paul Canniff

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Lurch proclaims himself cured of Disco Fever:

He explained: “It’s not about robotic dancing. It is about scoring goals and winning matches. It’s an important time for everyone now.

Ah.

(*“Thank you for your kindness, Mister Roboto!”)

Paul Canniff

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Roy Keane is retiring from football due to cumulative injury:

Keane, the Celtic midfielder, has been suffering with a long-term hip problem and decided not to see out the remaining year of his contract after consulting a specialist.

“Having received medical advice from my surgeon and the Celtic club doctor, I feel my only option is to retire,” the former Manchester United and Ireland captain said.

Keane’s injury problems date back to September 1997 when he suffered severe knee damage in a challenge with Leeds United’s Alfie Haaland at Elland Road.

We will miss his remarkable combination of skill, grit and power on the pitch.

Paul Canniff 

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While the Daily Telegraph is cautious on the prospect of Rooney playing in next Thursday’s fixture against Trinidad & Tobago, the Guardian delivers the real goods:

Wayne Rooney’s return from injury may come even earlier than previously imagined, with Sven-Goran Eriksson contemplating playing the forward off the bench against Trinidad & Tobago in Nuremberg on Thursday. Eriksson’s hand may be forced after his youngest wunderkind, Theo Walcott, reported a calf injury yesterday, ironically after being “smashed” from behind by Wayne Rooney in training.

Walcott’s right leg had to be heavily bandaged and although he is expected to resume training tomorrow he will need close monitoring if he is to be available for Thursday’s match. Eriksson is confident that the 17-year-old Arsenal reserve will recover but the injury scare exposes the fragility of England’s squad and, in particular, the lack of choice when it comes to attackers.

Between the uncertain match fitness of Owen, pulled off after 55 minutes against Paraguay, and Lurch’s CBGB-worthy pogoing on the pitch, Sven has now truly forced his own hand thanks to betting the ranch on his Gooner debutante. And Jermain Defoe is rightly pissed:

Rooney’s successful scan last week ensured that Jermain Defoe returned home, and the Tottenham striker unleashed some inevitable barbs at Eriksson yesterday. “I don’t know why I’m not out there,” Defoe told the News of the World. “It’s a strange decision and everybody I speak to thinks so as well.

“I have never felt fitter and sharper than I was in training and believe I could have scored goals in the tournament.” Defoe was understood to have been sensational in his final training session before flying home.

Here’s hoping for better results this week.

Paul Canniff

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The Lads of Albion ground out three points in a so-so affair with a few flashes of brilliance:

Becks:

While I have no regrets over taking the mickey out of him for his penalty kicks, he displayed his traditional brilliant form in his free kicks and corners.

Lamps:

Though no goals flowed, his shots on target were powerful thumps. Better sense of aim than Steven Gerrard, who clearly muffed his GSCE in physics.

Paul Robinson:

Mister Lonely for the first half but masterful in the face of Paraguayan attacks. Beautiful moment when a high-arcing goal kick bounced off a rafter in the newly-roofed stadium.

Lurch:

How could the Frankfurt Zoo not notice that one of its agitated giraffes got loose onto a football pitch?

Stewart Downing:

“Fancy seeing you here, mate! Did you know there’s a match today?”

The current wisdom is that Rooney will keep to the benches until the second round. Crikey, we need striking power up front, the sooner the better. And young Walcott had better be practising his lobs instead of memorizing Westlife lyrics!

Other match reactions at the Beeb, Sky Sports and the Telly.

Paul Canniff

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The Times and Guardian World Cup podcasts are well worth a subscription, too.

Damian P.

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The new match calendar will be released on Thursday June 22, 2006 at 10AM BST.

Paul Canniff

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The Daily Telegraph is doing a World Cup podcast from a pub, including commentary from the ever-reliable Henry Winter.  Put this link into your podcast feed:  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/newsfeed/rss/telegraphpubcast.xml.

Paul Canniff

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