Maple Lions

New president of the G-14 lobby of football clubs, Arsenal vice-chairman David Dein makes a spirited bid for this year’s C. Montgomery Burns Award for Excellence in the Field of Excellence:

“G-14 is a friend of the game,” he told delegates at the Soccerex football finance seminar in Dubai.

“It is not just for the good and great, the rich and famous. It is clubs that are similar in many respects because of their success, or the money they generate.”

Because, of course, they are just misunderstood legitimate businessmen.

But the real howler comes with Dein’s rationale for the lack of English members in la Légion Étrangère du Londres-Nord:

“As an English club we want to have a base of English players if we can,” he said, adding that Arsenal spent £3m to £4m a year nurturing local talent.

“But if it is not there, we have to buy-in talent from overseas.”

Surely he meant to say, “As a club situated by happenstance in England…”

Paul Canniff

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The rhetoric is heating up in advance of Chelsea’s visit to Old Trafford on Sunday. While Peter Kenyon, the Chelsea chief executive suggests a move from Stamford Bridge is in the works, Cristiano Ronaldo tries to emulate Muhammad Ali’s wit but ends up sharing only his kicking skills from five yards out:

Blues’ chief executive Kenyon also said they will have to quit Stamford Bridge.

“By 2014 we want to be internationally recognised as the number one club,” he said. “But I think it’s pretty clear we can’t get to where we want to here.”

But United winger Cristiano Ronaldo hit back, saying Chelsea would fall apart if boss Jose Mourinho left the club.

He said: “Mourinho is a great coach and he is Portuguese, so I can’t speak badly of him.

“I would like to see what would happen if he were to leave Chelsea. Perhaps they would stop getting good results.”

Paul Canniff

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ESPN Soccernet has a great online monthly poll where visitors can rank the EPL managers.

By a remarkable coincidence, among the lowest rated managers are the textbook-cracking current custodians of The Riverside and St. James’ Park.

Paul Canniff

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The League Managers’ Association is justifiably upset over the EPL’s decision to let Gareth Southgate continue to manage at Boro without the required professional certifications:

The LMA added: “The decision does not sit comfortably with those managers who were told that if they did not achieve Pro Licence status prior to the 2003-04 season, they would not be allowed to manage in the Premiership.

“They as a result applied themselves, in many cases at their own considerable expense, to obtain the required qualification.”

Over at the 606 chat boards there are those who contend that the managerial greats of yore had no UEFA licences. But the issue is not whether professional certification is a necessity in modern football, it’s that the EPL takes an inconsistent cavalier approach to enforcing rules that demand a considerable commitment of time and money for managers to satisfy.

Are Gareth Southgate and Glenn Roeder such wellsprings of talent and cunning that they merit these exceptions? Maybe in the Bizarro Premier League, which according to the stats may indeed be the next destination for the Toon, if not Boro as well.

Paul Canniff

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Here’s how the English sides stand today:

• Liverpool: 13 pts., GD+7
• Chelsea: 10 pts., GD+4
• Arsenal: 10 pts., GD+4
• Manchester United: 9 pts., GD+1

Some points to ponder as the dust settles:

1. While the Scouse are holding their heads high in Europe, is it Raffa’s rotation strategy that is leaving them laid low back home?
2. Has the Special One’s estimation of his audience’s intelligence sunk so low that he actually believed we might pay heed to his latest pre-match puffery? Yup, he was playing for keeps today.
3. The two luckiest men today: Gordon Strachan and Fergie’s bartender.

Paul Canniff 

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No MP3 of that mashup to download, I’m afraid, but there is word that Upton Park’s new Norse overlords are giving Alan Pardew loads of cash for the January transfer window:

Alan Pardew has more than £10m to spend this January after the completion of Eggert Magnusson’s takeover of West Ham yesterday. Magnusson, a member of Uefa’s executive committee, takes over as chairman following his purchase yesterday of 83% of the club’s shares in a bid that values the club at £107.5m. His first act was to hold an extended meeting with Pardew to discuss what direction the club will now take.

Paul Canniff 

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Talks over a takeover at St. James’ Park may be resolved by Christmas.

Could new owners give Glenn Roeder more free weekends than he planned? Couldn’t hurt, at this point.

Paul Canniff

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The Telly provides some valuable background on the purchase of West Ham United FC by Icelandic tycoon Eggert Magnusson.

Will their new chant be, “I’m Forever Throwing Snowballs”?

Paul Canniff

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Coca-Cola Football League Two side Torquay United are going on the offensive against players who dive:

Chairman Chris Roberts introduced the initiative after he was left “disgusted” by players diving and feigning injury during the World Cup.

He told BBC Sport: “It’s only getting worse and I sincerely believe clubs have to stand up and take reponsibility for the conduct of their players.

“I want to win football matches but I want to win matches without cheating.”

The new initiative works on the “three strikes” system.

Players found guilty of clearly trying to gain an advantage by diving or feigning injury will be warned on the first two occasions, then placed on the transfer list or dismissed if they transgress a third time.

This follows Roy Keane’s condemnation of feigned falls in the Premiership.

Paul Canniff

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Because Graham Poll can’t be everywhere:

Officials from Tanzania’s top two clubs are refusing to comment on their punishment for supposedly using witchcraft to influence the outcome of the country’s domestic league.

[…]

Investigative journalists from a national newspaper had published photographs showing fans of each team burying unknown substances in the pitch on the eve of the game.

Other rituals found the players using the spectator’s entrances before the game rather than the stadium’s main gate - for fear of passing through an area they believe may have been tainted by witchcraft.

Paul Canniff

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