Maple Lions

The August 2006 edition of Shoot Monthly reports that Steven Gerrard led the England squad in calories burned up in season competition at 91,000, the equivalent of running 32 marathons. Coming in behind were Frank Lampard and John Terry. The results came from a study commissioned by McVitie’s Jaffa Cakes, an official supplier of snacks to the national team.

No word yet on research by Ronaldo’s sponsor, PowerSauce Bars. Give credit where it’s due: he still broke Gerd Muller’s scoring record while apparently fuelled with old apple cores and shredded Chinese newspapers.

Paul Canniff

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A good example of how the Zidane head-butt has penetrated the American popular consciousness: a reference in The Family Circus.

Damian P.

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See the secrets to Italian play at the World Cup, also aped shamelessly by their Portuguese acolytes.

Paul Canniff

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Even a devoted Taphead like me has to concede that this is a piece of footie journalism worthy of a Nigel Tufnel-David St. Hubbins lyrical collaboration. Or possibly the libretto of a new Derek Smalls jazz fusion experiment.

H/T The Rebel Sell

Paul Canniff

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Despite voluminous and painful evidence to the contrary, Michael Owen is convinced that practising penalty kicking will not help England:

“If you do practise, you’re not going to do yourself any harm. So if it does give you extra confidence, I suppose it’s worth doing, but I’m not sure it makes much difference. You can never remember what you did in training when you’re on the pitch.”

A little hint: you’re not supposed to remember training on the pitch, it should ingrained and become instinctive. 

Oy. 

Paul Canniff

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Homer J. Simpson said it best:

Hank Scorpio: By the way, Homer, what’s your least favorite country: Italy or France?

Homer: France.

Hank: [chuckles]  Nobody ever says Italy. [sets the coordinates of a giant laser gun]

Paul Canniff

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A while back I posted this report from Union Bank of Switzerland that predicted an Italian World Cup win.  Some of their other predictions were a bit off, but did their number-crunching account for what was to many of us the unforeseen offensive strength in Lippi’s side?

The Swiss economists fared better than Four Four Two magazine and the boffins behind Football Manager 2006.  In a series of three computer simulations of the World Cup, England and Germany reached the finals, with England winning twice.

Paul Canniff

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Yes, I told Sven so earlier and with at least as much hindsight as was available to him.

In this SLATE article, Financial Times columnist Tim Harford applies some principles of gaming theory to successful examples of penalty goal strategy. The science is obvious: it’s the sweat and determination which England have to supply by Euro 2008.

Paul Canniff

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Germany hasn’t even played its semifinal match as of this writing, but the Daily Telegraph and AFP are already linking manager Jurgen Klinsmann to the soon-to-be-vacant US job:

The United States are in talks with Germany coach Jurgen Klinsmann to lead their national team to the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

Although Klinsmann has already dismissed speculation linking him with the job, the Daily Telegraph claimed preliminary contact has been made with the man who has defied the odds to take Germany to the semi-finals of the World Cup.

Klinsmann lives in California, his wife is American, and he is viewed as the ideal man to replace Bruce Arena who is leaving the United States hotseat to return to club management.

The newspaper claimed that the Americans will put a deal on the table that exceeds the 1.5 million pounds a year Klinsmann earns with Germany. That would be three times what they have been paying Arena.

Would Germany ever forgive him?

Damian P.

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Like many of you, I needed some time for recovery and reflection after Saturday’s match. Many will say that we need not care so much about a game. But this game and our team, for all of their faults, bring together so intimately a disparate range of people to share joy, despair and consolation. It is our Distributed England and we will continue to stand by her.

Some of my initial observations:

1. Kudos to Becks for doing vastly more than his departing gaffer, taking some responsibility by resigning as team captain. While there is surely a consensus that this came about two years too late, it was an unexpected act of civility.
2. Sven: classless and unrepentant to the bitter end. Good riddance at last.
3. Sage advice to Cristian Ronaldo: make that rumour come true and decamp to the Bernabeu. The only good thing about earning a lifelong grudge from Wayne Rooney is that you likely won’t live long to fret about it.
4. Pity poor Theo Walcott. His first big trip to the Continent and he couldn’t even have a proper large lager lout evening. Oh yes, and marking the start of his professional footballing career by acting as the team’s boat anchor.

Where do we go from here?

1. Steve McClaren needs to take care in his choice of assistants. His experience in the UEFA Cup with Boro cannot compensate for a lack of understanding competitors’ footballing styles. The FA has its Englishman: let’s get some foreign counsel for real value for money.
2. The new captain? I say John Terry or possibly Stevie Gerrard. The lads need someone with the fortitude to stand up to the gaffer when necessary but as well to lay smack down on his colleagues when justified. And that means a hard man, not a clotheshorse.
3. It had to be shown in brutal terms why Wayne Rooney needs support up front. I would not even put down money that Michael Owen will be coming back soon. So Andy Johnson, step right up. He’s got the skill and the personality to complement Rooney, with Defoe as the prime backup choice. Time to release Lurch back into the wild, though.

Paul Canniff

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