Damian P.

Contrary to what socialists often claim, the wealth is now trickling down to all levels of the game. Non-league football, especially the Conference, has infinitely more resources than in the past. As the writer Ian Ridley showed in his excellent book Floodlit Dreams, about his time as chairman of non-league Weymouth, even a small club such as that can be the subject of bitter boardroom struggles because of its potential earnings. The idea that the fans are worried about bungs is equally absurd. All they care about is whether their team wins. Indeed, they would probably applaud a manager who used a bit of cash to ensure the right player was bought.

Only utopian idealists cling to the belief that soccer can ever be cleaned up. For well over a century, it has been a hard-nosed, professional pursuit, run largely by cynical business figures and performed by tough, working-class men. There has never been a Corinthian ideal in soccer, a belief that style or ethics mattered more than the result. To expect to find morality in soccer is akin to looking for virginity in a brothel.

And Jonathan Legard of the Beeb’s Five Live is equally unimpressed:

As with the battle against drugs in sport, nothing succeeds like a whistleblower, and so far Lord Stevens has been whistling in the wind.

Or maybe, just maybe, we need to believe what his Lordship admitted during his presentation: “The game, in relation to the majority of what we have seen, is clean.”

Those words will never convince the cynics nor silence the whisperers but his damning criticism of the football authorities reveal precisely why the rumour and innuendo about a so-called bung culture have persisted for so long.

Paul Canniff

Paul Canniff

“All bling and Burberry,

High teenage pregnancy,

No father on the scene,

All robbing cash machines!”

As sung by Sittingbourne supporters to their local rivals Chatham, to the tune of Verdi’s La Donna e Mobile.

Paul Canniff

“This is no witch hunt. This is no whitewash,” said Stevens, whose Quest team looked at 362 transfers between January 2004-06. “The reason why we are not naming names is the inquiry is ongoing. I know you would like us to name and shame but I can’t do it at the present stage.”

When asked whether there were “crooks” making money from football, Stevens uttered a firm “yes” - although he insisted that the majority of the game is “clean but the accounting processes and monitoring of the clubs are in a mess”.

Stevens has made 39 recommendations which he believes “are essential to the future and reputation” of the game - including an independent body to handle the audit of transfers.

Paul Canniff

Paul Canniff

Some have claimed that he was a bargain since he wasn’t tied to another club. To lightly paraphrase Dennis Miller, five lime-green leisure suits for the price of one is neither a bargain nor wise.

In due course Roy Keane and Mick McCarthy may have a new mate with whom to swap tales of the Premiership.

Paul Canniff 

Hammers legend Frank Lampard Snr believes the arrival of the Argentine duo at the end of August was central to the club’s demise.

“It was only six months ago that everyone was saying how well Alan was doing,” Lampard told BBC Five Live.

“It seems since he brought in Tevez and Mascherano it’s all gone wrong.

“It’s a shame that he’s gone but football is like that. You get your chance and as soon as you start losing games, the pressure’s on.”

The Beeb also reports the disturbing possibility that Curbs is the early favourite as the new gaffer. But will Curbs have time to break away from his yachting lessons with the former captain of the Exxon Valdez?

Paul Canniff

“Sheva is not untouchable because of the way he is playing. I play the best players at the time.”

The Ukraine striker has scored just three Premiership goals since his move from AC Milan in the summer.

Mourinho added: “Claude Makelele, Michael Essien and Frank Lampard are untouchable because of the way they play, not because I love them.

“Michael Ballack is untouchable because of the way he plays. John Terry is untouchable. Ricardo Carvalho, Ashley Cole and Didier Drogba - they are untouchable.”

[…]

“We need to give Sheva time. I give him time. The good thing is that he is not happy with the way he is performing. If he was happy, we would have a problem.”

Paul Canniff

“Porto played well,” he said. “But we were a bit flat physically and maybe over-cautious when we won the ball.

“It was a nervous performance because we knew to go out would have been a massive disappointment.

“We didn’t go forward enough or give enough support to Emmanuel Adebayor.

He added: “When you play every three days you can be less sharp sometimes.”

And the dog ate his playbook.

Makes one pine for the insights of Big Bobby Clobber.

Paul Canniff