Maple Lions

Nicky Campbell has some fun in the Guardian with the football chants he has encountered:

A friend told me about a Fulham v West Ham game at Loftus Road. They spotted a fat Fulham fan and, of course, all the predictable stuff was thrown his way. They suggested a part of his anatomy may well have been relatively unfamiliar to him, and imputed to him an over-fondness for pastry. He showed them a digit and the Hammers fans noticed no one was sitting in any of the seats near him. Then it happened. “Have you eaten all your mates?” The fat bloke applauded out of sheer respect.

Paul Canniff

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Because it’s certainly not making contact with a ball on the sweet spot. Andriy Shevchenko opens the door publicly to an exit from Stamford Bridge:

“But if it happens, I am ready to pack my bags,” he said. “I’m a completely self-confident person. If I don’t suit somebody then I’ll go back to Italy and prove how good I can still be.

“I’m not finished as a player. On the other hand I have nothing to prove. Everybody knows what Andriy Shevchenko is capable of.”

Odd how a self-confessed completely self-confident man wanders the pitch dazed and confused like Grandpa Simpson. And thus no one but Shevchenko actually knows what he is capable of.

Among supporters of many stripes I have found a consensus that Sheva does not appear to have adjusted psychologically to the English game. And I agree: if anyone should be packing his bags in January, it should be Sheva and not SWP. Chelsea needs reliable striking power in depth… fast.

Update:

All that’s missing from the lame official Chelsea FC response is the opening phrase, “TASS is authorized to announce that…”.

Paul Canniff

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Today Old Trafford witnessed a classic turnaround by the Red Devils while Porto and la Légion Étrangère were locked in an epic paint-drying battle. All English clubs finished at the top of their respective groups to advance to the knockout stage.

Here the final stats from the group stage:

1. Liverpool: 13 pts., GD +6
2. Chelsea: 13 pts., GD +6
3. Manchester United: 12 pts., GD +5
4. Arsenal: 11 pts., GD +4

The Scouse just edge out the Blues for top spot by scoring 11 goals versus Chelsea’s 10. Liverpool was the fourth-highest scoring team in the entire group stage, behind Real Madrid, Lyon and Valencia.

Thus far, Didier Drogba remains the CL’s top-ranked individual scorer with five goals, with Lurch and Louis Saha just behind him with four goals in fourth and seventh position.

Your polling feedback was a tad at variance with reality, but then the wonder of football lies in its capacity to surprise.

Paul Canniff

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Last night’s Spurs-Boro fixture wrapped up with a nineteen-man brawl on the pitch:

A mild game erupted in the closing minutes when Didier Zokora and Boro’s George Boateng were sent off after a set-to by the touchline. A late Aaron Lennon tackle on Boateng had sparked a melee which attracted every player but Paul Robinson.

A footie match and a rugby game for one ticket: what a bargain!

Paul Canniff

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Sheffield United is cockily building on their latest push out of the drop zone by putting £10M at Neil Warnock’s disposal for the coming transfer window.

After a considerable boost in their form recently, the Blades may end up putting our poll to shame as they wave goodbye not only to the Hornets but possibly the Laticks and the Toon as well.

Paul Canniff

Update:

The Toon surprisingly climb above the Blades in the table after a 3-2 win over high-flying newcomers Reading.

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Traces of Polonium have been found at the Emirates Stadium.  Who knew Vladmir Putin was a Spurs fan?

Damian P.

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Four For Two has published in its December 2006 edition what is easily the most foolish piece of armchair football analysis in print:

Arsene Wenger doesn’t hate English players, he has given many of them their chance at Arsenal, only for them to throw it back in his face, or not reach the required standard.

[…]

When you look at the attitude of the young Arsenal players like Kolo Toure, Emmanuel Eboue and Cesc Fabregas, added to the experience of Thierry Henry, Gilberto Silva and Jens Lehmann, you realise why Wenger wants these people at Arsenal. Nationality is not the issue, attitude is.

And thanks to their poor attitude, the English players who toil at the other nineteen Premiership clubs have yet to realize their dreams of clinching the Premiership title, claiming the FA Cup or the Carling Cup, or reveling in a Champions League victory.

Because at the Emirates they don’t judge a man by his passport, just his esprit de corp… and his pronunciation of it.

Paul Canniff

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Rogers Sportsnet has been outbid for most of its 2007-08 Saturday morning EPL coverage by The Score. A bit disappointing in that The Score does not have as wide availability as Rogers and its pre-game shows make SoccerCentral look like Match of the Day.

The same report hints that SoccerCentral may be off the air by the end of this month. No word as to whether Gerry Dobson has landed the cheesy game show slot for which all sane fans have been praying nigh these long past years.

Worst. Football commentator. Ever.

Paul Canniff 

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Boro’s unlicensed gaffer feels hard done by the EPL’s certification process:

“Something needs to be done - international players can’t get on the courses,” he told Football Focus.

“I had no opportunity because the only courses are during the summer and I spent 10 summers playing for England.”

Apparently football management is no longer a career path secured by diligence and skill but an entitlement to anyone who’s worn an England strip.

Said Southgate,

“The qualifications will teach me how to coach and the Pro Licence will be a great help to me in terms of management, but the last four months have probably taught me more than anything.”

Yes, nothing like life experience to teach you how to throw your dolly far enough out of your pram for the world to notice.

Paul Canniff

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New president of the G-14 lobby of football clubs, Arsenal vice-chairman David Dein makes a spirited bid for this year’s C. Montgomery Burns Award for Excellence in the Field of Excellence:

“G-14 is a friend of the game,” he told delegates at the Soccerex football finance seminar in Dubai.

“It is not just for the good and great, the rich and famous. It is clubs that are similar in many respects because of their success, or the money they generate.”

Because, of course, they are just misunderstood legitimate businessmen.

But the real howler comes with Dein’s rationale for the lack of English members in la Légion Étrangère du Londres-Nord:

“As an English club we want to have a base of English players if we can,” he said, adding that Arsenal spent £3m to £4m a year nurturing local talent.

“But if it is not there, we have to buy-in talent from overseas.”

Surely he meant to say, “As a club situated by happenstance in England…”

Paul Canniff

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